Rice Cereal: “What the **** is this ****?!?”

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller

At my son’s four month well-baby check, our pediatrician told me that I should start feeding him rice cereal to alleviate his GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease). I was pretty sure she didn’t mean Rice Krispies, although that was the only rice cereal I had any experience with. I picked up a box of it the next time I was in the baby aisle at the supermarket, mixed some with a little breast milk, and started him on it right away.

Not this.

Here’s the exchange between myself and my infant son upon the occasion of his first taste of rice cereal (certain liberties have been taken*).

Me: Here we go! I’ve got something new for you to try!

Him: You mean, something other than this interesting new bib thing?

Me: Yup! Much cooler than the bib.

Him: And not my feet? I love my feet!

Me: Nope, not your feet! Open wide, here it comes! (I make faces at him to get him to smile, and them deposit the cereal in his mouth.)

Him: Mommy, you’re so sil — ******* ****! (making a face of utmost revulsion) You’ve got to be kidding. (Spits it out.)

Me: Let’s try again. Open wide! (Depositing more into his unsuspecting mouth.)

Him: ************! What the **** is this stuff?

Me: It’s cereal. It’s for eating.

Him: No thanks. I’ll pass.

Me: You need to eat it.

Him: You can’t ******* make me.

And that’s pretty much how our first few times eating rice cereal went.

Naturally, he eventually got the hang of it, and he even started to like cereal — after all, it was really just breast milk that had been thickened with starch.

You want me to eat that? You’re kidding, right? (Photo by redvisualg)

Since I promised you all recipes, here’s one for cereal:

Ingredients:

Baby rice cereal

Expressed breast milk or formula

Technique:

Follow the directions on the cereal box.

Poof! Cereal.

*His comments have been translated from Babytalk, as well as edited for general audience consumption. He can be a foulmouthed little git sometimes. I blame his father.