Shakespeare Is My Homeboy

*Because of family obligations, I’m unable to give you new content this week. But fear not! I have lots of content that nobody except for my mother (Hi Mom!) has ever seen, because nobody was reading my blog yet when it was published. So here’s a re-post from back in March. Enjoy!*

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank. ~ Alphonse Allais

Normally, for my second post of the week, I would be writing about baby food. I mean, that’s one of the reasons I started this blog, right? Because feeding the baby is the hot thing to do in this house. It’s what we do for fun, because we are old and lame.

Today, though, I thought I’d share some of my thoughts on a topic very dear to my heart, and one with which I suspect that even people who don’t have kids (and therefore are, let’s face it, probably not reading this blog) can relate to.

Coffee.

Yes, it is a type of food. It is consumable. And you could even say that it’s baby food, since I’m still nursing and I drink lots of it (I know, I know — Bad Mommy!) But when I talk about how I feed myself and my tiny boy, I don’t generally include coffee in the discussion. Is it because it isn’t a solid? Is it because I have convinced myself that, in spite of flavored creamers, it doesn’t contribute to my calorie intake? Maybe.

I think, though, that more likely the reason is that I think of coffee as being something special. Something that makes me able to face my life in a way that your average turkey sandwich really, really can’t. Something that doesn’t just fulfill a basic physical need, but adds greatly to my emotional and spiritual well-being.

So, in honor of coffee’s specialness, and to express my very real feelings for this marvelous beverage, I have penned a bit of a sonnet*:

It is my will, thy energy keep open
My heavy eyelids to the dawning light;
I do desire my lethargy be broken,
While childish cries of “Wake!” define my plight.
Is it thy spirit I absorb from thee
Through swallow’d warmth and steam that clears my eye,
To chase unwanted languor out of me,
And better make this house less of a sty?
Ah, yes! my love, though much, is not so great
That it alone may keep mine eye awake:
The coffee hot doth help my rest to wait,
To dance and play and wash and even bake:
A better mom this morning drug makes me;
I think my blood is mostly now coffee.

Don’t try to tell me that this dude couldn’t appreciate a good cup o’ joe or six. (via Wikimedia Commons)

There is, of course, a dark side to all this. Caffeine is a drug, and I suspect that I might be a junkie. I can’t seem to function without it, and the one time that I tried to go a week with no caffeine at all was five long days of unrelenting headaches and absolutely no clean laundry (notice how I went for a week but only lasted five days). Fortunately, I live in a world full of fellow junkies who cheerfully encourage my addiction by bringing coffee to rehearsals, serving it with both breakfast and dessert, and looking at me like I just sprouted a third ear in the middle of my forehead when I say that I think I should cut back (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).

Here’s a link to Wikipedia’s discussion about coffee. The health effects section really just makes me think I should be drinking even more of it. If you don’t have the time to read the article, I’ll leave you with my favorite bit: “The Oromo people would customarily plant a coffee tree on the graves of powerful sorcerers. They believed that the first coffee bush sprang up from the tears that the god of heaven shed over the corpse of a dead sorcerer.”

Poetry AND a Gilbert and Sullivan reference? You won the jackpot today, my friend! (via Wikimedia Commons)

*Based on Shakespeare’s 61st Sonnet. Poor guy must be rolling in his grave.

25 responses to “Shakespeare Is My Homeboy

  1. Pingback: You’re Only An Alcoholic If You Go To Meetings, Right? « Don't Forget to Feed the Baby

  2. As you point out, health benefits of coffee exist, so enjoy! Unfortunately, I’ve never acquired a taste for coffee and must rely on green tea or diet Mountain Dew for my caffeine. Hmmm, wonder what the health benefits of the latter are?…

    • Mountain Dew gives me the heebie jeebies. Nothing should ever be that color, except possibly for a tutu worn by Cyndi Lauper. But green tea is pretty fab — I especially love jasmine green tea. And I think it’s much less likely to cause you to grow a third eye or give birth to a half-human-half-fish mutant baby than Mountain Dew is.

  3. Mmmmmm coffee. I am drinking one now. I understand it takes at least 9 days for the caffeine dependence and cravings to fade if you go cold turkey. The headaches and body-aches and overall malaise makes the cold turkey voyage very very painful, annoying and usually doomed! Especially when one also has to feed the baby. The fussing and joyful demands of baby will make all the withdrawal symptoms 100 times worse! And yes I speak from experience. So it was back to coffee for me so I could actually function. Once baby became a loving independent toddler that only woke up at 3AM shrieking ‘I want my daddy now!’ I could reduce my coffee dependency – and drink more wine and scotch and anything that would numb the pain of the terrible two, the tantrum threes and the fierce fours.
    That is all better now because my kids are now teenagers – like how difficult can that be? Right – yes you are so right prescription meds here I come!
    Did I mention how much I started to love going to work after I had kids? Serenity.

    • Sheesh. If I’m having this hard a time with the substance abuse issue now, how will I cope when I have an older kid, or more than one? I’ll start stocking my liquor cabinet. And I believe you about the job issue — hard as it is for working moms, I very often wish that I had at least a part-time job just so that I could pee with the door closed sometimes.

      • Being the dad – I never had the door that could never close problem. That seems a uniquely mom problem – or is it because kids quickly learn when daddy goes potty it is just safer to keep ones distance until mom finds the air freshener? This is also the reason dads do the “hey kid pull my finger routine” – it is training the little ones to stand back from the danger zone. Ahhh my manly nature has achieved victory again! Winning!
        And really I am sure the above has nothing to do with why I am now single…

      • Huh. So, maybe I just have to let myself reek more, and I’ll have some privacy sometimes? I think I can do that.

      • Just eat asparagus and 3-alarm chili – that should do the trick. Warning do not feed this to your children if you have to interact with the end-results. Also warning 2: I am not a professional. Take any advice I give with a large amount of second thought and diluted with alternate opinions then discard. Do not re-use.

  4. This is much better than the sonnet I wrote about my dead dog, Daisy. There really should be more sonnets about coffee. And haikus.

  5. I am definitely a coffee junkie. Love it. Love the whole ritual of making coffee. And why is there no coffee-scented perfume? I would dab some coffee behind my ears but the fragrance just doesn’t have staying power that way.

    Also, I don’t have kids but I still love your blog. :)

  6. I will also be needing that coffee cup, amazing! I am drinking coffee right now out what I am now considering to be an unsatisfactory cup. Sigh.

  7. Just this morning on the drive to work I was contemplating coffee. I was also drinking it. I don’t get much done in the mornings before I get caffinated.

    • I’m not certain that there IS a morning before coffee. Somehow the baby and I end up downstairs … but I really don’t know how.

      • I get as far as the daycare drop off and partway to work. Maybe that’s why the whole drop off process seems to go so smoothly, I’m just in a complete haze and don’t even notice the bumps.

        No, that can’t be right. That would suggest that a decaf haze is good for parents, never mind. My children are probably just perfect angels in the morning.

  8. I love this sonnet.. I am going to pin it to my coffee maker…

  9. Pingback: Mommy Switzerland | Don't Forget to Feed the Baby

  10. Pingback: The Antarctic Circus Award | Don't Forget to Feed the Baby

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