I have a pirate fetish – I just always thought eye patches were sexy. ~ Michelle Branch
Today I’m suffering from the same writer’s block wordy-blahs that seem to be affecting so many bloggers right now. Is it the weather? Does this happen every summer? I don’t know.
Anyway, I’ve decided to give you an anecdote today, rather than my usual, full-on, word-spew of a post.
Lately, when Sausage nurses, he insists on having something to hold and fidget with. He won’t nurse if he doesn’t have something in his hands to investigate while he does so, and my breasts just aren’t that interesting anymore. Ho hum.
For the past couple of days, he’s been pretty happy with a pair of sunglasses that I had on my nightstand. They’re cheap, plastic sunglasses, with burgundy frames and dark, rose-tinted lenses (why yes, I do feel better about the world when I wear them!) So I don’t mind him playing with them, since I don’t wear them much, and I’m not out anything if he breaks them.
Today I made the mistake of showing him that they can be worn. On my face.
He loooooooooooves it when I wear his toys on my face.
So now he won’t nurse unless I wear the sunglasses while we nurse. Which makes me feel a little like I’m purposefully raising a douche.
(From weknowmemes.com)
It’s a double-edged sword, too, because when I’m wearing them, he’s so happy that rather than nursing well he’s looking at my face and grinning.
And last time we nursed, about 45 minutes ago, Sausage discovered that he could take the glasses off of my face. And put them back on again.
Now I don’t think we’re going to get any nursing done. Time to wean?
Maybe. If he doesn’t poke my eye out first.
If he does, you can count on me dressing and talking like a pirate all the way until that eye is healed.
Anne Bonney, who couldn’t have been a real pirate because she didn’t have an eye patch. I would be a REAL pirate.
Arrgghh, matey.
I swear, Kathy something is going around. I wrote about this very same thing!! At least great, uninspired minds think alike. Maybe you should start out with the eye patch BEFORE the eye-poking happens. It’d be more difficult to grab, but what do I know? I don’t have very many great ideas these days. Sigh. Funny stuff you got here so something must be sparkin’ for ya.
.
I woke up this morning thinking that I might try working one of the old drafts that I’ve got lying around, seeds of ideas that I’ve never really tried to grow, but I wasn’t feeling any of them. So I figured I’d just give everyone a glimpse of how absurd my life is even outside of the crap I make up in my head. As long as I keep writing, as long as I push through and post regularly, I think my mojo will return.
I’m right there with you and I agree. And it isn’t crap. It’s funny. Here’s to the mojo returning.
Here’s to that!
Eye-patch or no, Anne Bonney may have been the coolest pirate ever.
Tell that to Mary Read. I’d love to see a death match between the two of them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_piracy
If they didn’t have a death match over Calico Jack Rackham, it just wasn’t destined to happen.
By the way, Mr. Sandwich and I want to make a movie about that story and cast Matthew McConnaghey as Calico Jack.
I’m not sure about the choice of McConnaghey. I suspect he’s too … dimply? I like me some Viggo Mortensen for that role. But who to cast as the ladies?
To me, Calico Jack is the historical version of MConnaghey’s “all right, all right, all right” persona. Seriously, I hear him saying “It’s all good” as the ship is boarded and he and his crew are captured.
It sounds like you know more about all this than wikipedia has told me. I will bow to your greater knowledge.
It is the blog days of summer but this is hilarious. I hated nursing but something like this might have amused me. Thank you for the glimpse of how absurd your life is….that’s what motherhood does to people who appeared to be perfectly cool before they got pregnant. xoxo
I never appeared to be anything like cool. This kind of ridiculousness was sort of always in the stars for me.
OK fine, me neither but we can dream that we used to be cool. I love the glasses!
I actually had to wear sunglasses inside for a long time, because the fluorescent lights in the school I worked at were triggering my migraines. But I never failed to feel like a rock star/major prick doing it.
Go with rock star! By the way, have I told you how hilarious that book is? Like you didn’t know that! I’m sending it to my cousin who has a 4 month old. The Foil Cat? FC stays with me!
It really is pretty hilarious. Mine fell behind the headboard of my bed, and now I’m arguing with myself as to whether I should leave it there as a wonderful gift to myself when I move, or if I should move the bed to get it out right now.
hahahahaha
This douche phase will pass. Buy him a tight fitting shirt and let it play out…brah.
I’ll make sure that all his onesies have collars for him to pop.
hahaha, brilliant!!
Just don’t buy him any wife-beater tank tops or anything.
Wife-beaters and a tiny black leather jacket? Adorbs.
Don’t forget the spray tan!
Naturally. That look doesn’t work with anything less than orange skin.
Sometimes anecdotes are refreshing, like sherbet in between the courses of a large meal.
I feel that in relation to my blog, though, this might be sherbet between courses composed of Ben and Jerry’s.
Mmm. That sounds like a fine meal indeed.
Remember it is just all fun and games until somebody loses an eye! Then you get to be a pirate and really let lose
ARGH!
I’d like the video of you wearing sunglasses while nursing Sausage.
That would be a wonderful video, if LH was there to film it. It would be a whole lot of, “Oh, that’s funny, is it? Okay. Fine. Just nurse. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, tiny one. Your day will come.”
Two things: 1) I don’t have a pirate fetish but I do have a Johnny Depp fetish. 2) Douche is like, my fav word right now.
After breast feeding three kids I don’t have a lot to say, except it was truly liberating to get my flabby, deflated boobs back when they were done. Sort of.
It’ll be nice to have my body to myself again, at least for a while. And as for these sad sacks attached to my chest … well, push-up bras can do wonders. For now, though, I’m enjoying the closeness of breastfeeding and the rockin’ full rack that I’ve got.
Hey Kathy! I really enjoy reading your posts, so I’ve nominated you for the “One Lovely Blog Award”. Check out my recent post for the details! Liza
Hey! Thanks, Liza! Nifty!