Probably the worst time in a person’s life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it’s been a pretty good day. ~ Emo Philips
I have a thing to talk about. It might make some people uncomfortable, but I think that I really ought to talk about it anyway. If you are a person who is easily made uncomfortable, or who likes to send nasty comments to bloggers just because you think that they’re a little fucked up, you should maybe go away now.
Okay, friends and cool people; are they gone?
I have a little issue about … deep breath, I just know I’m going to piss someone off … Satan.
Here’s the thing; I think he’s HILARIOUS.
Okay, maybe I should clarify: I think that the way that the concept of Satan (or The Devil, or The Prince of Lies, etc etc etc) is represented visually is hilarious. This has nothing to do with my spiritual beliefs. It has everything to do with my wicked, dirty, and childish sense of humor.
Because seriously. Images of Lucifer (or Lucky, as his friends call him) are awesome. They run the gamut from adorable little mischievous devils …
… to horrific nightmares of blood and guts and everlasting sadism.
Doesn’t matter what it is, I love it. Okay, so it’s meant to be scary and to make you be good in this life and all that. But come on! He’s got some dude’s legs hanging out of his mouth, and an expression on his face that I frequently get while playing sudoku! IT’S FUNNY.
This little fixation of mine really wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t for the fact that, because I heart different representations of the devil so much, I have invested in some. To own.
Well, one in particular. See, we lived in Sicily for a few years, and I just HAD to have one of those puppets that they use to put on the famous Sicilian puppet shows. No, no, I didn’t want Orlando or Rinaldo, the boring old paladins of good. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t much interested in any of the ones usually sold as souvenirs. I wanted a REAL one, and I wanted Il Diavolo.
One store in Catania had a whole set. Genuine puppets, hand carved for actual use by puppeteers, nearly two feet tall and GORGEOUS. There were all the characters — yes, the paladins of boringness, but also the King, the Queen, the Saracen, the Angel … and the Devil.
I coveted that puppet. For two years, I would stop in that shop and look at the puppet, never daring to ask how much it cost. I knew it would be a lot. I also knew that once I asked, I would buy it. That would be it, it would be a done deal.
Eventually, after my years of yearning for that puppet, my wonderful, understanding, loving, and generous husband, who is a little uncomfortable with my attitude toward insensate evil (though he pretends that it’s all JUST FINE), bought it for me. The store owner was surprised that anyone asked about any of these puppets — I suspect he thought of them as decoration, not really as something for sale. He pulled a price out of his butt, we haggled a little, and it was MINE.
I LOVE MY DEVIL PUPPET. He is beautiful — hand carved wood, hand painted face, and just look at those boots! The cape is FABULOUS, and he has a ponytail, just as any truly Bad-Ass Motherfucker should.
So here’s my problem. WHAT DO I DO WITH IT NOW THAT I HAVE IT?
I really want to show him off. I want him to be the fascinating conversation starter that I know he is. But do I hang him in my dining room, where he will watch guests eat? That might make some people uncomfortable. Like the little devil on your shoulder telling you to eat more dessert.
Should I put him in my living room? That’s the place that nosy and judgmental neighbors are most likely to see when they knock on my door. And there’s always the UPS guy, who already thinks that I’m pretty weird because I never leave the house and order everything I need from Amazon.
How about the guest bedroom? Um, never mind. Definitely shouldn’t put a big, scary Satan puppet in the room where my nice, Christian family members will be trying to sleep.
Our bedroom doesn’t seem like a good option either, since Loving Husband has repeatedly expressed discomfort at my little fixation, and would definitely not like to have Il Diavolo supervising his … uh, dreams.
That really just leaves the nursery.
Intriguing, but … no, that won’t work. Thing is, red and black aren’t really the color scheme we’ve got going on in there. Also, I really would rather have Il Diavolo somewhere that I can show him off, and I don’t plan on entertaining visitors much in the nursery.
So for now, my much-loved puppet is hanging from a hook in one of our basement storage rooms, waiting for the day when I figure out how best to display him while incurring minimal social repercussions. Eventually I’ll probably just get pissed off about the entire situation, drink a little too much
blood-red wine, and decide to hang him in the front window. But in an effort to prevent such a thing from happening, does anyone have any ideas about where to display Il Diavolo? I could use some help here. (Um, I do screen my comments, just so you know. So anyone who says things like “Up your evil butt, you Satanic whore” is likely to get censored. Kthxbai.)