Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I didn’t plan on posting today. But when I woke up this morning I had three people on Facebook and several different bloggers all yelling in my virtual ear about the most recent TIME Magazine cover:
So I, being the conscientious mom-blogger that I am, decided that I have an obligation to my audience to weigh in on this matter — the biggest battle of the Mommy Wars since the Treaty of Dubuque forbade the use of loaded diapers as hand grenades.
And here’s what I have to say.
SHUT. UP. ALREADY.
Yes, the cover is offensive on lots of different levels. I don’t care why you’re offended; if you’re offended because it’s divisive, because it’s misogynist, because that kid is tall enough to ride the ride, or because of OHMYGOD I CAN SEE HER BOOB. It doesn’t matter. It is only a magazine cover.
Just take a deep breath. We are all in this parenting thing together, we’re on the same side, and we’re not going to let one eye-catching headline turn us into rabid badgers.
You’re not breathing. You’re still yelling. If you don’t stop judging each other RIGHT NOW, I will have to do something extreme.
I will yell at you in German.
I speak just enough to terrify you into breathing. Are you prepared to deal with that?
In. Out. One, two … Fuck. You’re still yelling.
FINE. That is IT.
HALTE DEN MUND UND ATME! JETZT! IN, AUS, EIN, ZWEI! ATME! ATME! ATME, SCHWEINEHUND!*
Now. If that hasn’t convinced you, nothing will. Except maybe this article, which is all serious and shit.
* “SHUT UP AND BREATHE! NOW! IN, OUT, ONE, TWO! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE, PIG-DOG!” (If you speak German better than I do, please do not be offended by my mangling of a harshly beautiful language. My apologies. Please don’t hurt me!)