Reading Poetry Makes Me Look Smart

The things I want to know are in books; my best friend is the man who’ll get me a book I ain’t read. ~ Abraham Lincoln


I want to improve Don’t Forget To Feed The Baby.

It’s important to me that this blog be something that my followers look forward to reading, and that they think of fondly when they are not reading it.

So, in order to make this blog all that it can be, I have conceived my Blog Improvement Project. Over the last months, I have looked critically at other, more successful, blogs; I have analyzed what makes them so great; and I am now ready to copy emulate mirror incorporate the things that I perceive to be the keys to their success. I am ready to, incrementally, turn this into a cookie cutter successful blog.

Please join me, as I take Don’t Forget To Feed The Baby from blah to … well, whatever it will be when we’re done. Hooray!


Blog Improvement Project, Part 3

I have a list that I’m following in this Blog Improvement Project. I’m not going to share it with you, because I might change my mind about doing certain things, or decide to do them in a different order, or I might just blow the whole damn thing off altogether, and I don’t want you to be disappointed. Because I love you.

Anyway, there are two things on this list that I was thinking of doing: a book review and a giveaway. I was planning on reviewing “Good Night Moon” or “The Dictionary” for the former, and for the latter I figured I’d give away one of my stunning handmade aluminum foil sculptures, like this one:

It’s a cat! Kitchen wraps are my true artistic medium.

BUT. Then I saw this book:

Plus a special bonus shot of my thumb. You’re welcome.

And I thought, “OH MAN I HAVE TO READ THAT. And I could review it. Oooh! Oooh! And then I could GIVE ONE AWAY! It would be uh-MAZ-ing.”

So I bought two copies.

Now, if you’re more discerning than I am and are unwilling to purchase multiple copies of a book based entirely on its title (“To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born? Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers.” Seriously, who WOULDN’T love that title?) or if you’re just wanting a bit more convincing, here’s an excerpt:

You’re Starting to Scare Me

You know that moment in a thriller

When the hero enters the serial killer’s lair

And it’s a shrine of snapshots of the next victim?

The walls are covered in pictures.

There’s usually a scrapbook …

Our home is starting to look like a serial killer lives here

And the next target of his (or her) fixation is me.

This makes me uncomfortable, to say the least.

Over-documentation is the earmark of an obsession

taken too far,

One that can only end very, very badly.

~ from “To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?” by Suzanne Weber

That poem actually inspired me to immediately, do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-two-hundred-dollars, deal with the pictures of Sausage that I had plastered all over the living room wall for his birthday party (one taken during each month of his little life — adorable, yes?) and then proceeded not to take down. I mean, I knew it was creepy, but I hadn’t thought of it in terms of serial killer. So now three of them are properly framed and hanging with other family pictures, and the rest have been taken down and neatly stacked for future use. I left the Star Wars Happy Birthday banner, though, because that’s just fancy.

So. This book has already changed my life. Or at least my living room.

And in case you’re STILL not convinced that you need to read this book, I’ll actually tell you a few things about it. It is short, it consists entirely of poetry told from a baby/toddler’s point of view, it is HILARIOUS, and it has a yellow cover.

Look! I did a book review! I can tick that box now.

And now for the giveaway part. Leave me a comment. It must be in verse*. It doesn’t have to rhyme or anything, though that would be AWESOMETASTIC. At the end of the week, I will use a random number generator to pick one happy winner (you can comment all you want, but you only get one entry). This winner will receive in their very own mailbox a copy of the book, “To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?” by Suzanne Weber, as well as my little aluminum foil kitty cat. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT.

Good luck!

*Note: It doesn’t have to be in GOOD verse. This is all just for funsies. As long as your comment is poetry-esque, you qualify for a chance to win these fabulous prizes.

28 responses to “Reading Poetry Makes Me Look Smart

  1. Teresa Cleveland Wendel

    would die
    for that

  2. I want that tin foil kitty.
    I think she’s very pretty.
    I would name her Tilly
    Even though it’s silly.

  3. It won’t mew
    It won’t poo
    It won’t scratch
    It won’t chew

    It won’t shed
    Won’t be fed
    It won’t sleep
    In my bed

    A companion
    Of aluminum
    That looks like Chinese

    Real cats are rude
    With their cat attitudes
    All breeds suck
    Except the foil cat-dude

    The End

    • Tee hee. This cat is clean, though, I assure you. I made him out of brand-new foil, straight from the roll. No stuck-on bits of cheese for my readers!

  4. I like that cat
    Has a neat-o look
    Don’t think this poem
    Will win a book.

    • Hmm. The poem might not, but the random number generator (which might end up being Loving Husband guessing a number between one and however-many-comments-I-get) still might give it to you!

  5. As I sit and try to read
    My children scream until ears bleed
    It’s painful for everyone around
    That’s why I have no friends in town.

  6. I have a kitty
    Though not as pretty
    As one made in foil

    I have Goodnight Moon
    But I am a loon
    And want that yellow book

    Some of those words rhyme, I’m almost sure of it!!

  7. A comment’s quite an easy thing to write
    (I’ve written many of ’em, truth be told)
    Yet as I sit here, challenge in my sight
    Both sick and sweating, yearning for the cold
    I think of comments past, and none do fit
    Within the confines of this poesy test.
    I have to be *creative* (holy sh!t)
    And write some verse — okay, I’ll do my best.
    That book, as said, looks AWESOME, and by now
    I covet it, to prize amongst my own
    Between my books of poetry — oh wow
    I’ve Yeats and… Yeats… and… crap, my cover’s blown.
    I don’t like that much verse, I do confess,
    But that by snarky babies? Oh, hell yes.

    • Well. It’s a good thing that we’re not awarding prizes based on the quality of the poem, because you just ruined the curve. (Erica, if you don’t win it, I’ll let you borrow mine. And I could probably be convinced to sculpt some foil for you, as well.)

      • Sonnets are the only poetry I can write. Anything else, including limericks, are somehow impossible. Truefax. (And I would love a foil sculpture! Perhaps shaped like a performance artist?)

  8. My head is fat
    My rhymes are bad
    I can’t find hats
    That makes me sad

    Yep, all of my poetry is this bad. It’s a talent. In reverse.

  9. Not writing about the kitty
    Not writing about the book
    Writing ‘bout a red-haired lass with a blogger hook.

    She’s on a quest
    To improve her blog
    But she’s there already with her prose and all the rest.

    She’s a nun, a tattooed navy wife and a good witch
    And I just bet she’s a bad-a** b*tch.

    So here’s to her blog improvement as she casts wide her net for all to “see”
    She’ll never forget to feed the baby and she goes by Kathy V.


  10. silver cat
    yellow book
    this is that
    so take a look

    KV is well read
    her every post
    is so well said
    we’re never grossed

    her wit is sharp
    beyond a doubt
    we cannot carp
    but we can shout

    auburn lady
    you have our hearts
    be it sunny or shady
    we all love little tarts.

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