Why Didn’t I Post Today?

Quote; quotey quotey quote, quote? Quote quote! ~ Kathy V.

Why didn’t I post today?

I intended to when I woke up.

I mean, yeah, I had to deal with breakfasts for myself and everyone else. And there was coffee to make.

(Photo by shuttermon)

And Star Trek The Next Generation was on, an episode that I don’t think I’ve seen before; either that or I haven’t seen it in twenty years, which is essentially the same thing.

Mmm. Patrick Stewart is sexy.

But why didn’t I post?

Okay, so I never get any writing done while the baby is awake. He demands stories, and wrestling, and block-building, and boo-boo kissing. So that takes time.

And then the nap time routine takes up time as well, with all the nursing and storytelling and brushing of teeth and singing.

Sleepy Sausage.

But once he was in bed, shouldn’t I have written something?

After I had more coffee, of course. That goes without saying.

And oh, you guys. Your blogs today were all so GOOD. I mean, I had to read them all.

I had to comment on them too, of course. I wouldn’t want my blogging friends to think that I wasn’t reading their posts, and just pressing the ‘like’ button seems so impersonal. I try to do that only if I have no time at all.

Wait! What’s that noise? Dammit. There’s a cat vomiting somewhere. Grab the paper towels and the carpet cleaner, they ALWAYS puke on something porous and stainable.

Now, to write something!

Oh no! I haven’t checked Facebook yet today! Now I have to catch up on news stories (can you even BELIEVE what that guy said? Outrage!) and life stories (OH. EM. GEE. My college roommate’s new baby is a-DOR-able!) and story stories (more blogs to read? Yes please!)

Oops! I was supposed to do some laundry. But I have to rewash what I put in the washer two days ago and forgot about, because of the stink.

(Photo by miko)

So why didn’t I post today?

Oooh! Lunchtime!

But there’s nothing to eat. Maybe if I stare into the refrigerator for fifteen minutes, something new will miraculously show up.

Nope. Peanut butter and jelly on bread ends, then.

Whoops! Baby’s awake!

Baby’s awake? Seriously? Where did the time go?

Okay, I shove the remaining sandwich into my mouth. Writing will just have to wait.

Change the diaper. Lunchtime for the baby, now.

Man, waffles take forever to toast.

Alright. He’s fed. Now for the cleanup.

How did peanut butter get THERE? Clean that up.

And the child is screaming and pointing at the door. Why?

Oh. The recycling truck is outside and he wants to go watch it. Drop everything to bring him onto the porch to wave at the recycling guys.

What a beautiful day it is! Okay. Throw on some clean clothes and grab the stroller, it’s time for a walking adventure!

Meet our friends B and S at the swings. Fun! This kid loves the swings!

Stylish Sausage!

Strike up a conversation with another woman at the park. Look at me, making friends!

Never mind. She just asked if I’m expecting again. Now I’m mad. Okay, so this jumper is unflattering, but still. Were you raised by wolves? Have you no sense of common courtesy? You NEVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant! Never!

“No. Oh, look at the time! We need to be moving on. It was nice to meet you!” Grr.

B and I take the babies to the bar to drown our sorrows. Okay, drown might be an overstatement when we each have one beer, but there you go. And from the dirty looks directed at us by the other bar patrons, they clearly think that I’m preggers as well. This jumper has got to go.

Ack! It’s dinner time! We say our goodbyes and head home to feed our babies.

Hurrah! Loving Husband pulls up just as we reach the house! Now I can have a break, maybe write a little!

Well, after he changes his clothes and uses the bathroom. Why does he always save the lengthy bathroom visits for home?

Okay, he’s feeding the baby. Good. Now I can change out of the awful jumper.

And have a glass of wine. Just one, though!

(Photo by theswedish)

Now I can write.

Wait! There are new blog posts to read! You guys are all so PROLIFIC. How do you find the time?

Time to get the bambino into his bed. Bedtime routine, take two.

I’m hungry. But I should write!

After dinner. Then I’ll write a little.

Dinner! How did I get so lucky to have a husband who cooks? I must have been a very good girl in a previous life.

Mmm, that was good. Now let’s just cuddle on the couch a bit before bed, okay?

Nice.

Tired. It’s bedtime, right?

Okay. Clean up the kitchen and the living room. Let’s go to bed.

(Photo by brainloc)

Wait! I didn’t write anything!

Why didn’t I post today? Sigh. I’ll post tomorrow.

Good night.

66 responses to “Why Didn’t I Post Today?

  1. Although my kids are older, I can still relate. So much to do, so little time. Now, if only I could get MY husband to make a meal or two…

    Funny post. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I remember those days but I’m glad you like to snuggle with your hubby, that’s a big deal at this time of your marriage. And screw people who think you’re pregnant. There’s some comedian who says to not ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you can see the baby crowning. hahahaha

    • Seriously. That jumper is so comfortable, but now I’m all self-conscious about wearing it. And I (spitefully) feel the need to note that the woman who said this was no svelte yoga chick herself.

  3. Fair enough, but which Star Trek:TNG episode was it??

    • Well, this post was written to be about a generic day other than this one (since I did post today). But today I watched “Inheritance”. Which I remember seeing before. But I’ve been rewatching the whole series, and every now and again I come across one that I don’t remember. Sausage dances to the closing credits.

  4. You’ve got to be exhausted by all of that not-posting. Seriously. Rest. Then post.

  5. I do that forgetting-a-load-in-the-washer thing all the time. I seriously hate that because I already do a million loads of laundry.

  6. You did the right thing.

  7. Ha! I don’t have a baby but I can still sooo relate to this. And the laundry! I thought I was the only one who did that. Ours stinks after just one night, so you can imagine how much water/detergent I’ve wasted in the past 10 years.

    And those suspenders? Oh my CUTENESS.

  8. Teresa Cleveland Wendel

    “Never mind. She just asked if Iโ€™m expecting again. Now Iโ€™m mad. Okay, so this jumper is unflattering, but still. Were you raised by wolves? Have you no sense of common courtesy? You NEVER ask a woman if sheโ€™s pregnant! Never!”
    I AM LAUGHING AND LAUGHING AT THIS. EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T POST, YOU’RE STILL FUNNY. KEEP POSTING, HOWEVER. I MISS YOU WHEN YOU DON’T.

  9. Got asked by a store clerk the other day if I was in my 2nd trimester. My youngest is 2. Clearly it’s time to jump on a treadmill or something and possibly go shopping for new clothes.

  10. I don’t have kid, cat or husband but I relate. I’m trying to psyche myself up to the idea of not posting everyday because eventually that will be the case. I’m not trying to let this turn into a compulsion. Sometimes I feel that way. But really it is a good exercise for writing I suppose — gotta find the balance.

    • If I could just set aside one hour every day for writing — no interruptions, no distractions — I’d get so much writing done! But I just don’t know how that’s possible, so I aim for three times per week, and I write the posts and them publish them immediately. I’d rather get them done ahead of time and schedule them, but it just ain’t happening.

  11. HaHA!!! You did post and thanks for the update about your day. Little sausage is major, major precious. The next time you go to the bar with your friend for a beer, wear the jumper (that you’re IMAGINING makes you look pregnant) but put some padding on, swill down some brew and then see what happens. (wink). They did this on “What would you do” and all sorts of hijinks took place when people thought a preggers was drinking.

    I’m just sayin’ for something different and maybe liven the place up. You’re funny.

    • We liven the place up just by bringing the babies there and having drinks. The hipster types have absolutely no idea what to do about it. They avoid eye contact and try REALLY hard to pretend that there aren’t BREEDERS in their bar. It’s pretty funny.

      • Oh, Kathy you could really mess with the hipsters. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when you do.

      • My existence in their world messes with them. I’m ten years older, I was unfashionable enough to get married and have a kid, and now I’m ordering artisan beers in THEIR bar with my BABY present? It’s just so gauche.

      • NO, you’re cool. They’re gauche. Poor lonely dears. You, on the other hand, have what they want. Trust me on this.

      • Oh, I know. I’m the neighborhood vanguard — an educated adult woman raising her family in a bustling urban center. Ten years from now, all those hipsters will be buying my used bouncy chairs.

      • Educated, attractive adult female molding the mind of a human being whilst stimulating her creativity as an actor and writer. Sounds pretty freaking more awesome that a hipster that avoids eye contact to me.

        Hopefully, they will (be buying your bouncy chairs).

      • I’ll even wash the seat first. I’m generous like that. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  12. Note to self–when searching for Kathy, look for hella stylish sausage as well!! Adorable.

  13. Did you just pop inside my life for a day!

    • Man, I’m sorry. Two of us have this life? Ew. (Also, as a side note, I read too quickly. This resulted in me reading your comment at first as being “Did you just POOP inside my life for a day”, which made me guffaw and think we were making poop jokes. Because I am mature like that.)

  14. I love this post! Glad that idiot you encountered in the playground was put to excellent use here. When life hands you lemons, write a snarky blog about it.

  15. I think you need to drink more coffee. And then blog about each cupful – I like it when you write about cups ๐Ÿ˜›

  16. Have you seen this?

    This was fantastic, by the way.

  17. Ditto. Seriously.
    And I asked another mother if she was pregnant once because of the way she lowered herself down to sit. Nope not pregnant. Just tired. And then she wouldn’t believe that it wasn’t because she “still had her baby belly”. This was two years ago and I still feel like an ass because it is a mistake I wouldn’t normally make.

  18. Bwhaahaahaahaa! Is that ever the case! Hilarious and so true, but you always seem like you’ve got it under control. Like the new blog look by the way, but I think the font is a little hard to read. I’m finding that I’m squinting a bit while reading it.

    I’m in the middle of changing my blog right now as well – new look, new name – and I’m also creating a blog roll page for it. Of course, your blog will be there, my friend, because you are one of my absolute faves! Sorry I’ve been out of the blog loop lately – so much going on in that thing we call real life.

    xo

    CCL

    • Hmm, I’ll play around with the font color. Right now it’s just the default color that came with the color scheme I chose, but I can change it. I wanted the creamy beige background because sometimes stark white ones give me a headache, but I hadn’t thought too much about contrast. I’m looking forward to seeing your revamped blog, Miss Snarky Pants. Have you crashed the RNC yet?

      • It doesn’t start until next week. I don’t think I’ll have to crash; some of their parties are being held just a block or two from my condo. I half expect Paul Ryan to crash one of my parties. Sorry, Chadwick if you’re reading this – I know you know Ryan, but I really don’t want him drinking my hard cider. The best part is that The Daily Show is in town ALL WEEK and they are doing the show just a few blocks from our place. I just KNOW I’m going to stalk, erm, bump into Jon Stewart at a local restaurant.

      • Okay, I just increased the contrast a bit, should make the site less squinty. Now, since I did that for you (because I love you soooooooo much!) you need to do something for me. Please slip Jon Stewart my number? You could just put it on one of my better Facebook photos (not one with my husband or any of my additional chins in it) and slide it into his natty suit’s pocket. I’d owe you one, (but only if he calls).

      • I’m still giggling. First of all, as much as I love you m’dear, Jon Stewart is one of my free fucks. I just reminded Hubby and he rolled his eyes. I think instead I’ll focus on impressing him with my general lack of knowledge about politics and my inability to be witty or interesting around anyone remotely famous. You’ve read about what happens when I meet celebrities. It’s not pretty.

      • Just don’t say anything that might be a suggestion that he fathered someone you know. Or maybe you should, and then slip him my card and remind him that I have in no way offended him. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • That still leaves so many ways in which I can embarrass myself. You have no idea. I still have so many humiliating encounters with celebrities to write about. Alda wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg. I don’t think you want Jon Stewart to know that you and I know one another remotely. You’ll be tainted forever by my lack of social graces.

      • Fine. I’ll just go back to plan A, which was to go to a taping of The Daily Show and be so breathtakingly funny and brilliant that he offers me a job as a writer, and then I could work my womanly wiles on him EVERY. DAY. It could totally work.

      • Yeah it could…because it’s you and not me. Or you could come here for week – sans baby – and stalk him and the entire cast using my condo as home base. Worst case, we’ll discover John Oliver drinking his way through the collection of beers at the bar across the street and walk him back to his hotel room.

      • I’m hiring a babysitter for the week RIGHT NOW. (Okay, I’m not, but I’m sorely tempted. I would be more than happy to ‘help’ John Oliver back to his hotel room.)

      • And we’d have a blast gallivanting around town all hours of the night trying to spot prominent politicians as they kiss their hookers goodnight.

      • Yes we really, really would.

  19. And here I thought I was the only person who’s day isn’t full of productivity and achievement! My children are in their teens and I still seem to fritter my days away redoing laundry and looking for things to eat (same as you, without the playpark – that would be kind of creepy). Well there’s always tomorrow!

  20. sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms

    Well, that pretty much sums it up! You particularly cracked me up about the cat vomit. We have about 100 square feet of carpet in our house while EVERYTHING else is a hard surface. Our cat pukes on the rug. Every. Single. Time. Ellen

    • I’m glad I’m not the only one! And I have to run for it when I hear one cat puking, because I can be certain that the other one is lining up to ‘clean up’ the vomit if I don’t get to it first. And I just think that’s gross. Besides, they don’t do a good enough job. Such slackers.

  21. Pingback: Reggie Reader Profile #10 (A MOTHER OF A CAPTION Contest Winner!) | Sweet Mother

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s