Decisions, Decisions

I never make conscious decisions. ~ Anthony Hopkins

As you guys know, I recently won a $25 gift card to Amazon by captioning a ridiculously adorable photo over at Momma Be Thy Name. I captioned the hell out of that photo. What can I say? It’s a gift.

I wanted to spend that gift card on something fun, something that I wouldn’t be buying anyway, like diapers or a bra. But I wasn’t sure what to get. Should it be something that would reflect my blogging persona? My blog itself? Should it be something fun, just for sh!ts and giggles? Or maybe just something that I’ve been really wanting, but haven’t been able to justify spending money on?

So I started to poke around on Amazon. You can buy ANYTHING on Amazon. I’m not kidding. I mean, it’s not like eBay, where you can buy people, but when it comes to buying goods, you can get pretty much anything.

Here’s one of the things that I thought of buying. It’s in the category of “things that I want but can’t quite justify buying for myself”. Because seriously, David Tennant AND Patrick Stewart? Doing SHAKESPEARE? Be. Still. My. Heart. No, seriously. It’s like one of my better sex dreams.

Yum.

In the Sh!ts And Giggles category, I have this little guy. Because really, what’s funnier than stopping your wine bottle with someone’s penis? Not much.

LOL. No, really. I laughed out loud.

As for something that would reflect my blogging persona (and would coincidentally be a fantabulous conversation piece), there was this little bit of home decor, which would grace my bathroom door:

It’s a nautical poop joke! WIN.

In the end, though, I made a decision that is very typically me, blogging persona or no. I bought books. Because I’m a Hermione Granger, that’s why, and books give me even more joy than bottle stoppers that are shaped like giant schlongs.

If I have to choose a category, I’d say that these fall into the “things that I want but can’t quite justify buying for myself” realm. I’m probably the last female humor blogger to buy these books, but there you go.

So there you have it. I captioned one photo and got two whole books out of it. Pretty nifty, huh? Now I have to go win some more, so that I can buy all the other stuff. Until my books come, though, I can always alternate watching Doctor Who and Star Trek: The Next Generation. Yum.

All photos are from Amazon.com product descriptions. Click the photos to see the products.

44 responses to “Decisions, Decisions

  1. Curious– what do you think of Mel Gibson’s Hamlet? (If he wasn’t such an ass)

    • You know, I haven’t seen it? I love Shakespeare, but I don’t tend to like movie versions. This one I want to see mostly because of David Tennant and Patrick Stewart. In general, I hate how movie versions of Shakespeare have to cut out text to make a reasonable-length movie, add in lots of irritatingly unnecessary spectacle, and/or cast sub-par actors for the sake of having ‘names’. I like to see Shakespeare in the theater, live.

      • I really liked Mel in Hamlet.. but I agree with what you said.

      • There have been some really good Shakespeare movies. I love “Titus”. But generally if it’s a big-name Hollywood actor taking on something like that, I’m not particularly interested.

  2. Great choices, Kathy. Although the wine-stopper is pretty hard to pass up. Expecting a quip from you about the hard part. Hope things are wonderful in your world.

    Been wanting to buy that Tina Fey book. :).

  3. Are we the same person because I shite you not, I bought both of those books for my kindle last month. Also the main reason I had to click immediately onto your blog was the pee-pee wine stopper.

    • I must admit, I’m not-so-secretly hoping that I’ll end up with that for my rather immanent birthday, since my family all read this. And we might be the same person, since you are anonymous and I don’t know who you are. Wouldn’t that be trippy?

  4. I’m not sure which of those things I like best, they’re all things I would want to buy. And David Tennant and Patrick Stewart sharing screen time is pretty freaking fantastic. But I too would have just embraced my inner Hermoine Granger and bought books too—as I do with pretty much all of my Amazon gift cards. Nice haul!

  5. Teresa Cleveland Wendel

    I just ordered “Let’s Pretend…” from my local library. Thanks for the recommendation.

  6. Practicality always wins for me. And with kids, I just wouldn’t buy the bottle stopper or the poop deck sign, though they’re hilarious. I can see it now: “Hey, teacher, I need to use the Poop Deck.” Let’s Pretend This Never Happened is good. I have Bossypants on my list. I hope it’s worth the wait.

    • Hmm, I suspect that we have some fundamental differences of opinion when it comes to what’s appropriate around children. But I accepted a long time ago that I’m a bad influence. I don’t see anything wrong with a good clean poop joke, and the dirty bottle stopper isn’t exactly something that I’d let the kiddo play with. I’m kinda hoping that Sausage ends up with teachers who have senses of humor. Otherwise I’ll be hearing from them an awful lot. “Your son called another little boy a bitchmonkey!” “Really? Was this kid being a bitchmonkey? I’d hate to think my son was making unfounded accusations.” “Ma’am, I don’t think you’re taking this seriously. That kind of language is not tolerated in this school.” “Oh, stop being such a bitchmonkey.”

      • Oh trust me, lots of poop jokes in this house, but a nine-year-old can wear you down after a while, ya know?

        I hope you have the opportunity to play out that conversation with your child’s teacher in the future. It is just too funny.

      • Tee hee! I kinda hope so, too! Or not. Probably not a good idea to call my kid’s teacher names, even if they are of a comical nature.

  7. I haven’t ordered either book yet, so you’re not the last! Maybe one day when I win a caption competition. Which would require me to enter. Oh well… one day!

    • I’ve been wanting those books for what seems like forever. This was the perfect excuse to buy them! It’s like birthday money, only without the feelings of impending death associated with it.

  8. I laughed my fool head off at “Let’s Pretend…” But I have to ask: How did you find those other items? What were your search terms?

    • Let’s see … I think I found the bottle-stopper by searching for “wine”. I found Hamlet by searching for David Tennant (I think I was hoping for a lifesize cardboard cutout of the man himself). And the Poop Deck sign I found by searching for “poop”, of course.

  9. I wouldn’t have wanted you to get anything else. I’m a huge Tina Fey fan (don’t have the book yet) and have Jenny’s book already. Cheers and happy reading!

  10. That wine stopper is perfect in every way!

  11. I laughed out loud at the wine stopper and the poop deck sign, both of which I desperately want now, but the best of it for me was your comment about the hypothetical parent/teacher meeting regarding your son calling someone a bitchmonkey. “Really? Was this kid being a bitchmonkey? I’d hate to think my son was making unfounded accusations.” Hysterical.

  12. I think it’s very standup of you to invest your gift card earnings in books that support the funny woman cause, although that wine stopper would have been quite a conversation piece. It is amazing what you can find on Amazon.

  13. Good for you! I’d buy books too and I have absolutely no business buying books. πŸ™‚ My daughter has Bossypants. Has she read it? No, I’m sure she hasn’t….sigh.

  14. You are soooo right — you can buy ANYTHING on Amazon. I love it! It’s like they unleashed crazy and want you to buy it…which I do… Not sure how I feel about the wine stopper though…wine is sacred here…

    • Wine is sacred here, too. But the stoppers? Nah. Half the time I “stop” the bottle with plastic wrap and a rubber band. And the way I see it, if something is so sacred to me that I can’t laugh about it a bit, I need to re-evaluate how I feel about it. I think wine is much too joyous a thing to be offended by a dick joke! πŸ˜‰

  15. Hope everything is okay, we haven’t seen you in awhile.

    • I know. I have lots of ideas for posts, but I’m lacking in follow-through. I have a feeling that one sign that I’m coming out of it will be when I start blogging regularly again. And when the posts stop being therapy and start being my usual nonsense again, natch. Thank you for thinking of me!

  16. LOVED the wine stopper. I want one now. Went over to Amazon to check it out and discovered that it’s called “Happy Man Bottle Stopper”. Perfect! πŸ™‚

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