Tag Archives: cats

Why Didn’t I Post Today?

Quote; quotey quotey quote, quote? Quote quote! ~ Kathy V.

Why didn’t I post today?

I intended to when I woke up.

I mean, yeah, I had to deal with breakfasts for myself and everyone else. And there was coffee to make.

(Photo by shuttermon)

And Star Trek The Next Generation was on, an episode that I don’t think I’ve seen before; either that or I haven’t seen it in twenty years, which is essentially the same thing.

Mmm. Patrick Stewart is sexy.

But why didn’t I post?

Okay, so I never get any writing done while the baby is awake. He demands stories, and wrestling, and block-building, and boo-boo kissing. So that takes time.

And then the nap time routine takes up time as well, with all the nursing and storytelling and brushing of teeth and singing.

Sleepy Sausage.

But once he was in bed, shouldn’t I have written something?

After I had more coffee, of course. That goes without saying.

And oh, you guys. Your blogs today were all so GOOD. I mean, I had to read them all.

I had to comment on them too, of course. I wouldn’t want my blogging friends to think that I wasn’t reading their posts, and just pressing the ‘like’ button seems so impersonal. I try to do that only if I have no time at all.

Wait! What’s that noise? Dammit. There’s a cat vomiting somewhere. Grab the paper towels and the carpet cleaner, they ALWAYS puke on something porous and stainable.

Now, to write something!

Oh no! I haven’t checked Facebook yet today! Now I have to catch up on news stories (can you even BELIEVE what that guy said? Outrage!) and life stories (OH. EM. GEE. My college roommate’s new baby is a-DOR-able!) and story stories (more blogs to read? Yes please!)

Oops! I was supposed to do some laundry. But I have to rewash what I put in the washer two days ago and forgot about, because of the stink.

(Photo by miko)

So why didn’t I post today?

Oooh! Lunchtime!

But there’s nothing to eat. Maybe if I stare into the refrigerator for fifteen minutes, something new will miraculously show up.

Nope. Peanut butter and jelly on bread ends, then.

Whoops! Baby’s awake!

Baby’s awake? Seriously? Where did the time go?

Okay, I shove the remaining sandwich into my mouth. Writing will just have to wait.

Change the diaper. Lunchtime for the baby, now.

Man, waffles take forever to toast.

Alright. He’s fed. Now for the cleanup.

How did peanut butter get THERE? Clean that up.

And the child is screaming and pointing at the door. Why?

Oh. The recycling truck is outside and he wants to go watch it. Drop everything to bring him onto the porch to wave at the recycling guys.

What a beautiful day it is! Okay. Throw on some clean clothes and grab the stroller, it’s time for a walking adventure!

Meet our friends B and S at the swings. Fun! This kid loves the swings!

Stylish Sausage!

Strike up a conversation with another woman at the park. Look at me, making friends!

Never mind. She just asked if I’m expecting again. Now I’m mad. Okay, so this jumper is unflattering, but still. Were you raised by wolves? Have you no sense of common courtesy? You NEVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant! Never!

“No. Oh, look at the time! We need to be moving on. It was nice to meet you!” Grr.

B and I take the babies to the bar to drown our sorrows. Okay, drown might be an overstatement when we each have one beer, but there you go. And from the dirty looks directed at us by the other bar patrons, they clearly think that I’m preggers as well. This jumper has got to go.

Ack! It’s dinner time! We say our goodbyes and head home to feed our babies.

Hurrah! Loving Husband pulls up just as we reach the house! Now I can have a break, maybe write a little!

Well, after he changes his clothes and uses the bathroom. Why does he always save the lengthy bathroom visits for home?

Okay, he’s feeding the baby. Good. Now I can change out of the awful jumper.

And have a glass of wine. Just one, though!

(Photo by theswedish)

Now I can write.

Wait! There are new blog posts to read! You guys are all so PROLIFIC. How do you find the time?

Time to get the bambino into his bed. Bedtime routine, take two.

I’m hungry. But I should write!

After dinner. Then I’ll write a little.

Dinner! How did I get so lucky to have a husband who cooks? I must have been a very good girl in a previous life.

Mmm, that was good. Now let’s just cuddle on the couch a bit before bed, okay?

Nice.

Tired. It’s bedtime, right?

Okay. Clean up the kitchen and the living room. Let’s go to bed.

(Photo by brainloc)

Wait! I didn’t write anything!

Why didn’t I post today? Sigh. I’ll post tomorrow.

Good night.

Cats Love Sausage

Cats and monkeys; monkeys and cats; all human life is there. ~ Henry James

Once upon a time, much longer ago than I care to remember, I adopted a kitten. He was a tiny ball of orange fluff, and I loved him desperately. I had just graduated college, and was going through a lot of really bad stuff, and this kitten and I needed each other. He was my first baby.

Later, after I married Loving Husband and convinced him that we didn’t need a dog, we adopted another cat. Though my relationship with that cat (he’s a Maine Coon, so we’ll call him MC) is not the same as the one with my Orange Boy, I love him very much and was quite happy for years with only fur babies.

Me and my boys, pre-baby. Yes, those really are two VERY large cats.

But then I decided that I wanted a People Baby. So we headed to the shelter, where we were told how to go about obtaining one, since they didn’t deal in foundling humans. Who knew?

Thus armed with knowledge, we manufactured for ourselves a baby. A human one. And we named him Sausage.*

It wasn’t long, though, before I noticed that all of my babies, furred and not-so-furry, shared certain traits, behaviors, and tendencies. Since it cannot be genetic (the cats were adopted, but don’t tell them that — they’re not ready), I have decided that it must be due to our unique parenting style. Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about.

1. Sausage and the cats love to drop things and watch them fall. I’m convinced that this is some sort of scientific experiment, checking to make sure that gravity is still working properly. Presumably, they will be able to warn us of any fluctuations in the Earth’s gravitational field.

2. All three of them love to eat things off of the floor. I suspect that this is behavior that Loving Husband models when I am not looking.

3. They all walk on all fours. No matter how hard I’ve tried to teach my cats to walk properly, and even to dance, they cannot seem to learn it. I’m hoping that Sausage proves to have more aptitude in this area than his furry brothers.

4. They express love through biting. Sadly, this is a behavior that they have probably picked up from me. I really need to control my urges.

5. None of them realize that they can cause you pain. I’m not sure where this lack of empathy comes from, or why none of them respond to “Ouch! Claws! Hey! That hurts!” This may have less to do with my parenting and more to do with some sort of conspiracy on their parts.

6. They do not speak clearly. From Sausage, I can accept this, since he’s still new. But The Orange Boy is ten years old. There’s no excuse. Maybe I need to have him seen by a specialist.

7. Both Sausage and MC think soap bubbles are the most amazing things that have ever happened. The Orange Boy, being smarter than either of them, is unimpressed. Really, Sausage has more in common with MC than with The Orange Boy; including …

“Mama, it’s BEAUTIFUL! Now watch me kill it!”

8. Neither Sausage nor MC are capable of getting past the baby gate. The Orange Boy leaps right over it, but they will sit and watch in wonderment, as if by doing so he had actually sprouted wings. I suspect that The Orange Boy’s over-achieving personality is a result of being the first-born.

9. They all love to play in boxes, but this is probably because that’s all I give them to play with.

10. Finally, all three of them meow. I became fluent in Cat back when The Orange Boy was an only kitty, and thus I do tend to speak it in the home. Sausage’s first word was Mama, followed closely by a sound best written as “Awr?” This is a term frequently chanted by his furry brothers, complete with their upward-inflected question mark. I’m hoping that his next word is in English, because I’m not sure that there are any preschools in Baltimore where they speak Cat. Maybe in New York?

Given all the things that my babies have in common, I’m fairly confident that Sausage will turn out alright. After all, his brothers are fairly well-adjusted, sociable kitties, universally loved by those who know them. All we need to do is figure out how to get him to stop coughing up hairballs.

* Not really. He does actually have a regular name that is not also a meat product. Sheesh, you guys are so literal.

My First Award! TWICE!

I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either. ~ Jack Benny

Look! I got an award!

Wowza! I was nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award a couple of weeks ago by one of my most favoritest (it IS TOO a word) bloggers EVER — Fathead Follies. I had this post 95% written when yet another of my most favoritest bloggers — Robin from dirtyrottenparenting — nominated me for the same award! I AM A GODDESS AMONG VERSATILE BLOGGERS!

It’s only a little awkward because I was going to give the award to dirtyrottenparenting, but I guess I just have to take her off the list, now don’t I?

First, let’s talk about lovely and talented Fathead Follies. She’s hilarious, and I don’t say that lightly. I picked Fathead Follies up on my blog-dar a month or so ago, and I knew I was in love when I read this post. I’ve been a devoted follower ever since (which I admit, isn’t that long, but what? Is she going to stop being funny? I don’t think so.) Thank you, Fathead Follies, for being awesome and for making me happy with your writing. Thank you, too, for mentioning me and passing along this award.

Now, as for dirtyrottenparenting. This blog is real, it’s hysterically funny, and it helps me to remember that parents are still people — we steal our kids’ candy just because we want it, we drink medicinally, and we blame demons for our children’s bad behavior. It’s loads of fun, and I’m so tickled that I just peed a little over the fact that Robin nominated me as a Versatile Blogger. THANK YOU! Smooches!

The rules for accepting this award are:

  • Add the award to your blog.
  • Thank the blogger who gave it to you and include a link to their blog.
  • Mention 7 random things about yourself.
  • List the rules.
  • Give the award to 15 or more bloggers

You should know, I’m notoriously bad at following rules, especially when I think that they don’t make sense or are in some way wrong. So I’m going to pick and choose which rules to follow. Like how some people do with Leviticus, only bloggier!

Seven random things about me:

1. One of my two cats, a big orange tabby cat, thinks I’m his Real Mommy. He tries to nurse on my earlobes. If he ever finds out that there is a part of me from which he’d actually be able to get milk, I’ll be in serious trouble.

2. I’m originally from New Jersey. No, I don’t talk like ‘that’.

3. I prefer dark chocolate.

4. My favorite color is purple. Usually.

5. My favorite pajamas consist of a red, Wonder Woman logo tee shirt and a pair of pants that are blue with white stars. They remind me of the Underoos that I never had as a kid, and they make me ridiculously happy.

These are the ones! They’re GREAT.

6. I always thought that I didn’t like beer, but then I traveled to Germany. There I discovered that I really just don’t like CHEAP beer.

7. I’ve never seen the Godfather movies, and I have no intention of changing that.

8. My favorite Sexy Old Guy is Patrick Stewart. On a trip to London a few years ago, Loving Husband and I went to see Sir Patrick in a production of MacBeth. We were in the sixth row — so close that the actors could have spat upon us. It’s a good thing they didn’t, because if Patrick Stewart had spat upon me, I would never have washed again. That would have been much, MUCH harder on my marriage than the fact that I fantasize about Captain Picard.

Mmm. (Courtesy of Urbantog)

Oh no! That’s eight things! There I go, breaking the rules again.

Now I’m supposed to give this award to 15 or more bloggers. I’m inclined to agree with Fathead Follies that these awards feel a bit spammy. Not spammy in the spiced-ham-that-is-simultaneously-disgusting-and-delicious sense, but spammy in the this-would-be-a-chain-letter-if-only-it-offered-some-dire-consequences-for-breaking-the-chain sense (did you see how many hyphens I just used? EPIC.)

So I’m just going to point my dear handful of readers to a few other blogs that I think you will enjoy. Ones who very much deserve this award, and if they choose, they may accept it and put it on their page and follow the rules and the whole shebang. These are a few of the blogs that I read regularly and that I love to pieces.

Sharing both love and nuts since 2012!

F-Words: Lora combines a sense of humor with some serious cooking skills and writes a completely readable blog that will also make your mouth water. Wear a bib, and try not to laugh too hard while you read — you could end up spraying your screen rather badly.

The Bloggess: I know, I know, she’s probably got every award that there is, and she’s not likely to be all like “Hooray! I’ve been noticed by this fantastic little blog with fifteen followers!” But The Bloggess is who I want to be when I grow up.¬† I also want to be Judi Dench, Batman, and whoever it is that Patrick Stewart is having sex with just now. But in the blog sense, it’s Bloggess, all the way.

Fear No Weebles: Because if you’re not doing at least one spit-take per day, you’re not living.

Tragic Sandwich: Some of it’s funny, some of it’s thought-provoking, all of it’s worth a read.

Speaker7: You guys, Speaker7’s post How To Write The Greatest How-To Post is possibly one of my favorite things that I’ve ever read, ever.

Lollygag Blog: This is the blog that inspired me to become a blogger. Keely is an incredibly charming writer, and she makes the day-to-day doings of her gorgeous family into something that I look forward to reading about. AND, what’s weird in terms of The Kingdom of Blogdonia, she’s someone that I actually know in real life. For real. There’s a picture of us as twenty year olds, singing karaoke in a bar. She’s awesome. She’s also a much better singer than I am.

And I think I’m going to stop there. There are so many awesome and deserving blogs out there, I can’t possibly name all of them (though I’m working on it — see my blogroll if you want more).

**********************************************************************

Update, 5/26/12:

The lovely Brigitte of Brigitte’s Banter fame gave me the Versatile Blogger Award!

Here’s the link to her post.

She’s lots of fun to read, and a legitimately talented writer, unlike most of the rest of us hacks.

Thank you so much, Brigitte!